My friend, Tracy got engaged over the weekend. I am happy for her. I am sooooooooo jealous. I want to be engaged. I want a pretty ring on my finger, I want to know where I am going. Do I follow JW (he is my boyfriend) out of medical school and to wherever in the whole wide world his residency will lead him? Will he even ask me to? Does he want me to? Does he think about being engaged?
Do I want to be engaged? Could I really just leave my beautiful city on the water for this boy? Can I give up evening on Lincoln Road, and techno music festivals, and ceviche, and cortaditos, and spanglish, and high heels, and the ocean, the beautiful warm ocean? Can I give up driving over the rickenbacker causeway to work, and lazy afternoons on 15th st. beach, or Fridays watching the sunset from the beach at school, or petting all the dogs at the restaurants, and always always always eating outside no matter what? Here's the thing:
I DON'T KNOW. I just don't know.
And here is where I will admit something. I want to be married. I want a family. I want to be a mom. I want to be a wife. I just don't know if I am ready for all of that now, but I feel like I am close. Very close. What if JW doesn't ask me. What if it all falls through. What if I can not bend and move away when he needs me to? What if cuban coffee, and guava pastelitos, and dog beach, pull me back?
On another note, I am starting to like Frenchy. He might just be OK. I might just be getting kind of used to him lounging on the blue couch with us, and I might just be a little attached. You see how fast I forgive and forget?
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