blackbird take these broken wings and learn to fly

It has been ages since I have posted, and for that I am sorry. Not that I have any readers, but still... it is good to be consistent. I am completely shattered right now, and I am splayed out on the big blue couch ragdoll fashion. Today was spend babysitting for 4 rambunctiuos children, and the day wouldn't be complete without one major temper tantrum, someone falling out of a tree, a watergun fight, 4 whining voices, three iguanas, two fights, and a partridge and a pear tree. Kidding. About the partridge. Everything else really did happen. BRUTAL.

Not much progress has been made in the thesis department. Same old story.

You will be proud to hear that I have become a spinning fanatic, and I have been going to classes at the gym almost every day. I feel pretty darn good about that.

Astrid moved in, and I am adjusting to yet another new roommate, but so far so good.

Good things about today:

1. ate healthy food

2. slept late

3. made money babysitting

4. no rain!

bad things:

1. temper tantrums and whining from kids

2. no progress on thesis

3 slept late

things i like :

puppies

orchids

smoothies

spinning

color of my nails right now:

hot pink

See Sandra run

I am sitting in the marine policy hallway waiting for a professor to show up. No one else is here. All of the doors are closed. Not one single person to help me, or invite me into their office. No professors in sight, no students, no rastafarian maintenance man who always hits on me. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. I am pretty miffed. Down right cross in fact. I stole a pen from a signup sheet that was taped to someone's doorway. HA! Revenge. I hope it was their favorite pen.

M.G. is leaving on Thursday for the Caymans. That is in 6 days. 6 more days with M.G. and then we are done. Done for good. No more roommates, no more waking up together and making breakfast, no more beach days when we should be studying, no more binge drinking at clubs, no more italian dinner dates, no more late night sushi, or visiting the dog pack. I will miss you M.G.! Yes I will.

Today my committee chair told me she won't be in the country for the next three weeks , and that we can skype and e-mail to communicate. SKYPE? I don't want to skype. This is stupid. I don't skype my professors, I meet with them int heir offices, during their office hours because that is what professors do. They meet with students in their offices at SCHOOL.

WHY?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I'm just so frustrated.

MG, and frenchy are going out to party party party.

All anyone ever does around this place is eat and drink and listen to techno music and run around in their matching underwear sets.

I am really fat. I need to go to the gym. My friend Kalah went to Madagascar to do research (LUCKY) and came back 18 pounds skinnier. Maybe I need to go hang out with the lemurs overseas. She called herself an anorexic alcoholic like it was a bad thing. It is pretty much my dream. KIDDING!

confession: I don't brush my teeth every day. Isn't that gross?

Therapy

It's kind of therapeutic to have this blog. Even though nobody reads it. Actually, especially because no one reads it.

The weekend was so nice.

Gainesville with JSW

Sweet vegetarian food at the TOP

Bald eagle sighting

Miles of woods walking

Snuggling

Lots of snuggling

I wish I had the energy to actually express what goes on in my life right now, although I don't suppose that it is all that fascinating. I also wish that I had the power to be more positive and happy. MG and Frenchy are all about being happy ALL the time, and only living each day to have fun. I wish that I could have that same attitude, but I worry so much about school, and money, and how fat I am, and what people think about me, and getting to the bank before it closes, and wether I should buy organic or not at the grocery store. I might be crazy. I might just be a little bit crazy.

p.s. MG and Frenchy are cooking and listening to spanish music. They are making a delicious french meal, and I already ate a crappy salad. Damn.

p.p.s. Frenchy ONLY wears V-neck t-shirts. Weird.

p.p.p.s. I dissected a squid today, but more on that later.

p.p.p.p.s. I love JSW. (I would carve his name and mine in a heart on a tree trunk like a seventh grader if given the chance).

Rainy Monday

It is grey and foggy in SOBE today. Great motivational studying weather. I don't feel the desire to kick off my shoes and run to the beach. I am perfectly happy to sit here and work while I peek out the window at the alley and examine the tiny patch of sky that is visible from the apartment. Caramel coffee is in the french press, and there is leftover sushi waiting for me in the fridge. On second thought, that dragon roll might have to wait til lunch. Sushi for breakfast isn't really my thing. I wonder if they eat it in Japan?

The weekend was good. J.W. came to Miami. It is so nice to be hugged. It is so nice to be held and cuddled and to hold hands when walking down the street. We went to Fairchild gardens, and saw the latest art installation by Yayoi Kusama. She created 3 whimsical pieces for the gardens. You can check it out here: http://www.fairchildgarden.org/art-at-fairchild/Yayoi-Kusama-/. We haven't been to Fairchild in ages so it was nice to wander around the garden looking at the flowers and touching the art work even though we weren't supposed to. I had a free pass to get in from working at the nature center, and I had left it in my bag. When I pulled it out to give to the ticket lady it had a piece of mint gum stuck on the back. I apologized but she made a huge production of pulling the gum off and glaring at me. Of course she is the one that looked dumb since she was touching my old chewed on gum.

After the gardens we went to Pinecrest fruit stand, home of the best smoothies known to man. All of the ingredients are as fresh as can be, and they also make all sorts of frozen yogurt shakes, and homemade lunch goodies that you can get out of the refrigerator like tuna wraps, waldorf chicken salad, homemade empanadas, and rice and beans. Oh how I LOVE Pinecrest fruit stand. We ate our strawberry smoothies at Merrie Christmas park in the gables beneath the biggest banyan trees that you have ever seen, and then went on to Merrick park to have some beers and listen to the reggae band playing on the green. I treated JW to a nice italian birthday dinner at VIlaggio, and then we went home and walked around SOBE. It was a perfect day. I really love my life when he is here. He makes everything prettier and nicer. Sunday was reserved for snuggling in bed and crosswords and a lazy lunch followed by more cuddling. We were truly lazy and it felt soooo good.

So here I am, a little sad that JW is back in Gainesville on to his next rotation, and I am here. Watching the rain pour down the sides of the building across the alley, and sipping my caramel coffee.

over and out,

Sand

I will finish

Today I accomplished a lot. Here is my mantra: I will finish my masters. I will finish my masters. I will finish my masters. I am too tired right now to write about my day, but that is ok because it wasn't very interesting anyway. Basically I sat on the couch and made spreadsheets. AWESOME! More on that another time.

over and out,

Sandra

do i want to be or not?

My friend, Tracy got engaged over the weekend. I am happy for her. I am sooooooooo jealous. I want to be engaged. I want a pretty ring on my finger, I want to know where I am going. Do I follow JW (he is my boyfriend) out of medical school and to wherever in the whole wide world his residency will lead him? Will he even ask me to? Does he want me to? Does he think about being engaged?

Do I want to be engaged? Could I really just leave my beautiful city on the water for this boy? Can I give up evening on Lincoln Road, and techno music festivals, and ceviche, and cortaditos, and spanglish, and high heels, and the ocean, the beautiful warm ocean? Can I give up driving over the rickenbacker causeway to work, and lazy afternoons on 15th st. beach, or Fridays watching the sunset from the beach at school, or petting all the dogs at the restaurants, and always always always eating outside no matter what? Here's the thing:

I DON'T KNOW. I just don't know.

And here is where I will admit something. I want to be married. I want a family. I want to be a mom. I want to be a wife. I just don't know if I am ready for all of that now, but I feel like I am close. Very close. What if JW doesn't ask me. What if it all falls through. What if I can not bend and move away when he needs me to? What if cuban coffee, and guava pastelitos, and dog beach, pull me back?

On another note, I am starting to like Frenchy. He might just be OK. I might just be getting kind of used to him lounging on the blue couch with us, and I might just be a little attached. You see how fast I forgive and forget?